Anxiety Put To Flight

I lay in bed awakened by frustrating thoughts and worries about a responsible financial action I had taken on behalf of my little family. Though I knew it was the right thing to do in obedience to God, it still felt hard because it affected other people. I begged God for sleep and relief from my worry. And laid there trying to train my mind to ease into restful sleep. Talking out my problem with God is calming for me. I’d been doing this for awhile and still here I lay awake. Meditating on scripture usually works so I let my mind travel through anything that comforted my troubled brain.

…”and God will be a shield around her in the midst of her troubles and she will not be moved.” “I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32 And one of my favorites during my darkest times, “You are the God who sees me!” Gen 16:13 God sees me…God please look on me now and help me rest. You know I have been obedient in taking care of my family, can I not rest in that thought? I had been failing and letting someone drain us financially in a way that I could stop and control. I should have stopped it before, but I felt mean doing so. Finally I became so convicted about defending my own family that I couldn’t not stop the drain. But still my brain struggled. Why is this so disturbing? Perhaps I’m a little afraid of retaliation or my name drug through the mud. God please cover my name. I don’t deserve any dishonor nor shaming for this. I am being obedient to you. Please take my mind off this worrying over such human things. I’m so tired of trifling things, you are so much bigger than this. I need to feel You bigger than this problem…problems make me so weary.

                ….and just like that I rose out of my bed right through my roof, up through the sky, past the clouds, then the twinkling stars leaving it all behind. I was in awe. I just kept being lifted up, up, up, up through space. Out off earth past what must be planets and galaxies in swirls and circles and funnels of lights. Its was black but it was not darkness. I was always aware of light as I was lifted. I wasn’t fully aware of what was holding or lifting me only that it was happening and that I was quite secure. As I slowed down, I passed what looked like a very large owls face. I wasn’t right beside it though and it appeared that I was set upon an immense shoulder.

                Massive wings spread out in front of me forming something into a ball shape. There was light all around the ball and throughout the mighty wings. The face leaned onto the ball and blew out a breath and trees and living things popped up. The breath blew again and again ever so gently the wings turned the ball as I watched mesmerized His feathers held and sheltered and covered the ball. To me it looked a bit like a planet earth all lit up with fresh green spring trees. It looked so small in the mighty wings. He held it so tenderly His special thing He had created. He cradled it like it was a new born baby.

                I don’t know how long I was there, it was so calm. I rested and went to sleep on Papa God’s shoulder watching Him love and cradle His creation. I know I awoke very well rested in my own bed and remembered this vision as if I was still there on His shoulder. I rarely sleep deep enough to have dreams in the last couple of years so this is extra special to me currently. I don’t see this as a casual dream though. It was a special gift for my troubled heart and mind and I’m am so thankful! “He who counts the stars and calls them by name is in no danger of forgetting His own children.” Charles Spurgeon

                “The very breath of God is in you!” Job 33:4

As I give thought to this, I’m brought back to an A.W. Tozer quote which I can’t seem to find to give perfectly so I’ll just say the gist of it. “How you think about God determines who you are.”  I do believe that! The most important thing about you is what you think about God! Faith gives us the ability to exit out of our humanity and step into God’s dimension. Most of our problems really aren’t circumstantial they are all in our perception. In our minds we often reduce God to the size of our biggest problem. My biggest problem isn’t the relational financial item that kept me awake for a while last night. Actually, that’s a pretty little one. I am so thankful that when my Father God sees me, He understands my true need to step out of earthly trivial things. I didn’t even ask for that, but He gave exactly what I needed. I feel loved when He lifts me onto His shoulder and lets me sit there while He works. I do that with my own children most often in the kitchen. I’m very aware that they are there. I want them to learn from me and what I’m doing. I so felt the love in His action of letting me watch. He gave my mind a true ease and let me breathe deeply of heavenly air. He blew His love across me, He held me securely and tenderly. I was never afraid of falling, no matter that I flew past stars and galaxies. I wasn’t holding my breath and clenching my jaw in anxiety and frustration. I was soothed in watching Him work and create. He breathed life into the ball in His hands and it began to glow and grow. Dear Father God continue to breathe on me…don’t ever let me go! Hold me close in your wings and breathe your life into me always. Deeper into the heart of God I go, His grace and love they have no limit.