Shifting Shoulders

Here I stand completely crushed with yet another financial crisis on the home front. How do I deal with this? It’s just so overwhelming wave after wave of bills or troubles become unrelenting. A verse comes to mind it’s the one I’ve so often repeated throughout my trial, “If God can care for the sparrows of the field, how much more will He care for His children. ” And so I choose right there in that moment to believe that not only is He capable but that He will in fact remember me. Somehow instantly the crushing weight is not nearly so intense. I’ve shifted the shoulders that bear it. The waves crashing against me don’t beat against me so hard that I’m pressed to fall down. It’s my own legs I’m standing on alone, my Father God holds me up!

My prayers don’t have to be pretty nor put together more often they are incredible cries of anguish, but God hears those even more keenly I believe just like we parents do. When our children cry out in distress or pain we rush in to their aid. You should have heard me this winter when our furnace was out. Thankfully we’d just come through our cold snap here in WI and it’d just warmed up to a beautiful bright and sunny zero degrees during the day for a high. About a day and a half the furnace was out and at last with the house around 44 degrees the service man arrived. It was an easy maintenance style repair. 45 mins later he was on his way and warm air was beginning to rise from our heat vents. With relief I left the house and walked to our onsite commercial kitchen bakery where I flipped on the oven switch to preheat while I warmed my hands and arms at the dish sink. About 10 minutes later I went to check the oven and do the quick work of mixing up cakes only to find the oven colder than the house had been.

“Oh, my God!” I nearly shouted. “I can’t handle this!” “Well, I can.” He replied right back to me. “Then do.” I huffed back. I was upset too. I have a lot of conversations like this with God. I have confidence somehow everytime that it will turn out alright. I don’t always like the journey but the outcome has God in it and for that I am grateful. Within a few minutes I found myself super grateful for the evening discovery of the oven being broken down. I don’t usually bake anything on Wednesday evening, preferring everything super fresh made early on the day of sale. Wednesday is usually saved for dough preparation of breads then into the fridge. I chop veggies and herbs and get all my cheeses ready. I had only decided to turn my oven on tonight because I was cold. If I hadn’t turned on that oven until Thursday morning I’d have had 30+ loaves of bread and bagels and buns risen and ready to press through the oven. My house oven is no match for 30 loaves of bread for sure and certain. Hereby I knew I’d walked right into the grace of God. For that I continually find myself profoundly thankful and blessed. I warmed up right quick too… when your blood boils it takes the chill right off.

You know how people love to use that quote that says, (“I don’t know how you do it” – I said, “I wasn’t given a choice.”) I think we have choices every day. No I didn’t make the choice to be a widow by homicide and then need to raise five little guys on my own. But, all day long I choose what and how I’m gonna do things. We choose who we are going to be and who we are going to represent to the world while we do it. We make a hundred million little choices day in and day out.

I made a choice to walk with God on this journey rather than waste time on bitterness and retaliation. I make a choice daily to seek Him and His counsel before people on behalf of my children. I make a choice to walk through and embrace the stages of grief so that I can be healthier and more whole as I go forward into life. Believe me it’s not easy to feel these things.

Nothing has changed in my situation. The house is still cold, though very slowly warming and the oven is not heating at all. Deep breath in deep breath out, and I repeat my mantra that I so often have throughout this time. God’s got me! This is my declaration of my spirit up to God and my kick in Satan’s teeth. Right there in that moment by my broken oven I choose to believe, I take heart, I reach upwards in faith and I am changed. My situation is the same – but, I am not. I’ve shifted the weight from mine onto God’s shoulders. Everyday in every situation I must make these choices. Will I rely on my own blundering human strength or will I allow the mighty strong arm of God and His mighty armies to come to my aid and my defense? It seems like a no brainer, but we humans like to think we are so smart. The Bible says, “If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face; and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sins and will heal their land.” II Chronicles 7:14 My household needs healing. I will call on His name. I will be humble. I hear from heaven, God is healing my household. God please heal my land and all my people. God if you can care for every sparrow of the field…then I know you’ve got us too!